When Reality TV Gets Ugly...

I admit it. I watch a lot of bad reality tv. I used to hide this aspect of my life, but now I'm out of the closet - I am a reality tv watcher! And speaking of being out of the closet on reality tv, I accidentally stumbled into "Wife Swap" last night on ABC.

I watch Alias on Wednesday at 9. Wife Swap comes on at 10. Usually I'm so appalled by the advertisements during Alias for the upcoming spousal switcheroo that I zap of the tv as soon as the credits for Alias begin. But last night I couldn't help myself. The set up? A lesbian in a long term relationship with her partner swaps places with a very conservative housewife. The promo that got me was the conservative housewife telling the lesbian partner who stayed home that she had to put a Republican yard sign up.

I'll try to be somewhat objective when I describe what led me to feel ill at the end of the hour. Here are some highlights:

1. Conservative wife and lesbian partner2 (the one who has to live with conservative wife for the week) get in a screaming match about gay marriage. Conservative wife thinks it's insulting to marriage that lesbians would want to get married "just for economic reasons." Lesbian partner2, who is a bit of a hot head, is outraged and yells about how unfair it is that if she's in a coma, her partner can't make her medical decisions, which is not "economic." Conservative wife retaliates by saying lesbian partner2 does not no what real discrimination is, like her sisters experienced in the South decades ago. Oh, did I mention conservative wife is black and her husband is white? (Ironic how some who share conservative wife's beliefs on gay marriage probably think conservative wife's marriage is immoral... but I don't think she's caught on to that irony.)

2. Lesbian partner1 (who is in the conservative home for the week) establishes the new rule of "no chores," because the kids, who seem very nice, don't realy let loose. When conservative husband makes his bed the next morning, lesbian partner1 asks the kids what his punishment should be. It's clear that neither lesbian partner1 nor the conservative kids have ever been troublemakers in their lives, as the kids declare they should... ... mess up dad's sock drawer. Lesbian partner1 thinks that's a great idea, and so they do. Even dad is kindof amused when his kids show him his "punishment."

There were actually nice moments in both families. The lesbians' daughter clearly liked it when conservative mom gave her a "princess day" and baked her cookies. The conservative dad admitted that he had fun when lesbian partner1 had the kids invite all their friends over for a 30 person slumber party despite the chaos. Lesbian partner2 learned that she should help around the house more because being bossed around by conservative wife was no fun. So I though, huh, this is pretty interesting, looks like conservative dad there might be some mutual eye-opening going on that people who disagree don't have to either 1) be afraid of each other or 2) hate each other. Oh silly me.

Then the two couples meet up and trade thoughts about their time in each others households. Conservative wife wastes no time telling the lesbian partners that they are shacking up and immoral. Then she says she was worried all week about her kids possibly spending time with a sexual predator. Yup. Lesbian partner2, the hothead, went nuts. After all, she'd been dealing with the moral lectures all week... and she's got a temper. Very sadly, conservative husband said nothing except to defend his wife's protective instincts.

And this is what got me. If this wife truly thought the lesbian woman was a possible sexual predator, would she have gone through with the show and let her kids hang out with that woman under the same roof? No way! What decent parent ever would take that chance? No way. She would have walked off the show as soon as she found out about the other woman's sexual orientation. She knows lesbians aren't sexual predators, but by going through the week she got to say on national television just what she thinks of lesbians and gays. It's clear that's what she was looking for all along... a venue for her venom.

Not surprisingly, lesbian partner1, who was soft-spoken and kind the whole week, just cried. She was incredibly hurt. Her partner was outraged. Conservative husband just sat silent. It was one of the meanest moments I've ever seen on television - to make a mockery of someone's life and family, to pretend like you think they're dangerous to justify your cruelty when you clearly know they are not. And now I'm just waiting for the conservative groups out there to start handing out awards to this woman for "bringing morality into a house of sin" or some other nonsense.

I don't think I'll ever watch Wife Swap again. The premise is just awful. I feel terrible for lesbian partner1 from last night, but I hope she knows that she probably made a huge difference in the lives of the kids she stayed with. They had fun with her. They thought she was nice. It may be the only significant contact they'll get with someone outside their ideological circle before they head off to college, and they all said they had a good time. Conservative wife and husband may be lost causes, but they may have unsuspectingly opened their kids minds up to a whole lot more tolerance.